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Halloween - How To: Trick or Treat
Poziom:
Temat: Kultura i obyczaje
Hey!
Hey you!
Hey guys!
HEY!
That's better! Now tell me?
Why are you bored?
Don't you know what day it is?
Oh come on! It's HALLOWEEN!
Halloween?! You know?
Trick or treat?
OK... Time for some
information, I guess...
First, you have to answer a
vital question: are you too
old to go trick or treating?
If you feel too old, chances
are you probably are.
But don't let that stop you!
Do you like candy?
Do you like chocolate?
Do you like teeth
rotting goodness?
Do you like to play pranks
to your friends?
There you go! Perfect to go
out trick or treating!
Since you are about to play
some pranks, you should
cunningly disguise yourself.
As luck would have it, costumes
are a well established part
of the Halloween tradition.
First, we'll go with the
classics: a Bedsheet with two
holes cut into it makes an
almost perfect ghost costume...
Well... the holes are supposed
to be for the eyes...
...and a WHITE sheet would be
more apropriate...
...unless you're 'ghosting'
in a hippy community!
Simple face masks might also
serve the purpose of dusguise,
but usually aren't as cunning
and quite easy to see through,
not only to the wearer!
And by all means, let's not
forget full body costumes, but
you might want to be careful
when choosing the desing!
Although cute costumes
have established themself
over recent years, the
classical scary ones still
are the better choice!
Planning a good route can
come in handy. Not only can you
grab more sweets in less time
this way but you also can
familiarize yourself with
possible escape routes.
You might want to make
sure that you aren't using up
too many calories running
around between houses, so
constrain your area to a
radius of 100 miles tops...
...that will leave about 50%
of the average trick-or-treat
outcome on your hips!
When going about to collect
candy and chocolate you should
come prepared with a container
to haul off your loot.
While a bit of optimism is
called for, you shouldn't turn
up at the doorstep carrying a
container that is twice your size.
That's better. You can always
leave the large container out
of view and approach every house
with an empty, small one.
Makes you look poor and
yields better results!
Ever so often you might come
across a not-so-friendly person.
Every neighborhood has those.
It's a federal requirement.
A good idea would be to take
your parents with you...
Although, depending on their
current state or condition,
a tazer or even a rubber band
might be more efficient...
Just for reference, we will now
go over a typical trick-or-treat.
First: check your costume...
Next: ring the doorbell - or,
lacking one of those: just knock!
After soiling your pants, you
ask the question that is set
forth in the first ammandment
of the Halloween conduct:
"Trick or Treat?"
While most people will be
sufficiently familiar with
Halloween to provide the treat,
there might be situations that
call for...
"trick or..." (DOORSLAM)
...the trick.
Now it's time to decide what
kind of trick you are going
to play. A classic would
be to wrap the house
or car in toilet paper.
If there's a car around:
sugar in the gas tank is
always a good chuckle.
But what's alwasy a
knee slapper: the good old
'brick in the window'.
(crash!)
Sometimes people might also
misinterpret your ever so
clear and kind request...
(GONG)
"Trick or Treat?"
(SNAP!)
Likewise it is not quite
clear to some people what
constitutes a 'treat'...
"Trick or Treat?"
"whoopie!"
Some people try to give out
healthy stuff... ON HALLOWEEN!
"Trick or Treat?"
In the popular opinion - and
who cares about others? -
giving out healthy treats is
just a polite way of asking
for a trick...
You should eat all your
sweets as soon as you
get home - they might
get bad after all...
...and you might experience
a minor sensation that is
known as 'sugar rush'...
Now, wasn't that fun?
Of course there might be a
hangover after twenty pounds
of chocolate, ten pounds of
sugar and one bottle of vodka!
Oh, and look!
Only 364 days until Halloween!
Keep counting!
